A friend of mine lost his partner after she had suffered, for some time, with a life-threatening heart condition. One could argue that it wasn’t completely unexpected, but hope has to shine eternal, and he never thought about that day. An outcome that could, and should, never be considered. Why catastrophise what wasn’t inevitable, whatever the prognosis. Surely, it would never happen. It was serious, but never?

But life can be cruel, and he was robbed of his purpose, that reason for being. Unable to physically touch the person to whom he had given his heart and soul, impossible to accept that he no longer had that shoulder to lean on, the ear to listen to his stories, those words of comfort that put a smile on his face. Moreover, it was a reciprocal bond, and from the outset a preordained reality that it would become extremely difficult to come to terms with such a tragic episode.

Displaced, disoriented, confused. Suddenly, that ‘day to day’ existence that he was so accustomed to was thrown into turmoil, a black cloud of anxiety, grief, and an overwhelming sense of loss torturing his very being. But we talked, shared the emotion, the ‘how’s’ and the ‘why’s’. His pain, my empathy; not a stand-alone solution but a  great comforter. It helped, gradually learning to accept the facts, however dysfunctional and detrimental they undoubtedly were. And as ‘crazy’ and impossible as it sometimes seemed, managing to search for something positive that he could pin his hopes and dreams to, tentative steps to continue on life’s uncertain journey.

In truth the death of someone close is unbearable, tragic, often a curve ball that knocks you off your feet. Age can sometimes justify, but even that for some can be too much to comprehend. “She had a good innings” doesn’t always soften the blow. We grieve for the deceased; we grieve for what we miss. We contemplate in our imagination what should have been, but what we can no longer have. Plans and schemes kicked into oblivion, liked old clothes that can no longer be worn. We question the meaning of life itself as the happiness that we knew becomes irrelevant, stripped of its sublimity.

And yet, we cannot change the reality. Of course, It is difficult, traumatic, heart breaking. But we feel as we do because of the memories we have, and the love that we hold, a love that will always transcend. In the words of the poet Byron, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’”

.